Don't Be A Lazy Communicator!

Misinterpretations or misunderstandings are inevitable because human communication is so subjective.  That's just the way it is guys.  But, what are some of the things that we can do to try and minimize being misinterpreted or misunderstood?  Well to start, don't be a lazy communicator.

 

What do I mean by that?  Don't assume or expect others to automatically understand you, even if they're your best friend..closest co-worker..sibling..or significant other.  Regardless of how long or how well someone's known you, there are moments that will require you to make an extra effort or take a further step to help people understand what you're trying to communicate.  Have you ever said something similar to this before (or heard someone else say..), "I can't believe that's how they interpreted what I said...where did they even get that from?  They were so off base!"  

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Well, the reality is that once you've communicated something; once you've sent the message, the receiver has the ball.  It's the risk we take with communication.  We hope we're understood.  We assume that what we’ve said makes sense to others, because it makes sense to us.  We hope the intentions behind our messages aren't misinterpreted.  But, the truth is that you can't control how someone else receives the message you've communicated.  

That might sound like bad news but it isn't!  Just because you don't have absolute control over how your messages will be received, doesn't mean you can't try to manage the sender-message-receiver process.  An effective communicator is a proactive communicator.  The key is to try and remain conscious of the process, and conscious of the role you’re playing in the process within a given context. 

So, how do you know if you’re a proactive communicator?  Well, generally speaking… being a proactive communicator means packaging your message in a way that compliments the situation and what you know about the receiver.  In other words, set the right tone.  For example, if you’re trying to express a complaint or criticism to someone that you know has a history of being defensive…talking to them in an attack-like manner probably won’t work.  Or, if you have an idea that you’d like to pitch to your boss who you know is very data-oriented, package your pitch with as much research and data as you can.  If possible, have examples of how your idea has already been successful for industry peers or competitors.  Try to think of every possible question he or she could ask you about the rewards and risks of your idea, and get the answers ready ahead of time.

Proactive communicators also try to make it a point to follow up during or after a conversation, especially if it’s a pretty significant or complex subject matter.  What do I mean by following up?  Just taking a second to ask if you’re being clear or if what you’re saying is making sense, can go a long way.  It’s no fun being misunderstood.  In fact, it sucks…especially when you don’t even realize you’re being misunderstood.  At least if you’re following up during a conversation, you’re giving yourself the chance to adjust what you’re saying or tweak messaging a bit.

Don't put the burden all on the receiver guys.  Reactive communicators spend a noticeable amount of time clarifying themselves and cleaning up misunderstandings.

I’ll be honest with you – there was a time when I tended to tilt more towards the reactive end of the reactive/proactive communication spectrum.  I guess I walked around with the sort of arrogant mentality that if you didn’t understand something I said, it was probably your fault for not keeping up with me.  If you misinterpreted something I said, well…you’re accountable for that mix up..not me.  After all, whatever I said made sense to me - so what’s the problem?!  Anybody else ever thought that way?  If it’s alright with you I’ll just assume the answer is yes lol…that way I’m out here on this limb by myself.

So, to recap…

It’s important that we consistently try to be proactive communicators.  Reactive communicators tend to put a lot of the burden on the receiver, and spend a noticeable amount of time clarifying themselves and cleaning up misunderstandings.  Proactive communicators try to package their message with the right tone for their audience, and follow up during or after conversations to make sure they’re communicating clearly and being understood.

Find me on Twitter @iamaconnector!